Little Miracles

"Walivaa high heels ndio wafike heaven, nilibend knees nikatouch heaven"
This is what happened to me recently and Juliani's 'bahasha ya Ocampo' came to mind, emphasis on the second part of the line.
See, I found myself in a situation that had me in between a rock and a hard place. I felt like a cat that had been backed up into a corner and the first reaction was to fight back, claws out to assert my position. I mean, it's the only rational decision, right? Wrong!

This would have only deepened the wounds that were being inflicted on my ego and my psyche. It's in situations like these that a wealth of friends comes in handy to lift you out of the quagmire that you are in. I am lucky,or should I say blessed, to have this wealth of amigos that are well rooted in the WORD. After much encouragement from them, and a good selection of music that I have been listening to, I knew what I had to do. It's with this conviction that i fell to my knees(in the words of Jaci Velasquez) and called out to my Lord.

Now, I have always been told that  God has 3 ways to answer our prayers: yes, no and wait. Well let me say I received His "yes" and the urgency with which it came left me in no doubt but to be still and acknowledge that He is GOD. In less that 20 minutes I had received my answer and the predicament that I was in had been resolved.

Often we look for large astronomical signs to justify the existence of miracles and ultimately the presence and greatness of God in our lives that we forget it is the little things that happen that remind us that God indeed has a great influence in our lives. In the views of Mother Theresa and our very own Wangari Maathai, it is the little things that count.

Roadtrip to the Heart

Wow!!! I  haven't written in a while so this feeling is mildly new. But i guess they say there are somethings you never forget, it's like riding a bike (that never made any sense to me,seeing as i took a nasty fall with a bike after taking a 2 year hiatus from cycling). So where to begin...hmmmm. A friend of mine, well a recent acquaintance, told me that whenever you go on a journey, you learn something new about yourself. And indeed if the past weekend is anything to go by then I guess I totally agree with him. Who knew an innocent road trip out of town could be such a life changing experience.

So I sit here in my pair of boxers tapping away at my ancient keyboard and I can safely say to you  unless you do not want people knowing anything about you...keep your mouth shut. You see words are a window to a person's soul, a lesson i had to learn the hard way this weekend.

I found myself in the middle of nowhere (read Naivasha) with a group of oddly selected......earthlings,for lack of a better word. Throw in a little booze, testosterone and other things(take a wild guess) and this is sure to be a recipe for disaster. I was looking at this peculiar gathering of people who had weirdly enough bonded over books, overpaid writers and the smell of hay( well in this case freshly slashed grass,we are in Kenya after all) and couldn't help but think to myself  this will be one for the record books, I remember telling one Kafera...and indeed it was.Joel took record.
So you see the liquid refreshments started pouring freely and one couldn't help but let the inhibitions held previously just wash away with every sip,gulp and chug.

Anyway enough with the rants and raves(clearly I can give the ranting Swede on Sheep in the Big City a run for his mulla).Where was I...in this wilderness expedition I came to discover a lot of things about me that I didn't know before. Let it be put on record that I said girls are nothing but trouble,more on that later.
See if you will do the proverbial "kufungua roho" to a chic u like, make sure u are of sound mind and body,non of that stuff that disciples of Mututho take should be remotely detectable in your system. Having said that, it would be wise to add that the contents of this work have been edited to suit the story line of the writer (writers license,don't I just love it).

Anywho what started out as a fun weekend ended up in being the most regrettable weekend of my life. True story, or is it. See a psychologist friend of mine(names withheld to protect their insanity) told me that if u keep too much anger pent up eventually u will explode in a sudden burst of rage...did someone say Naivasha weekend. So that's my story,it aint much but i just thought I should share it seeing as everyone is going crazy on the blogging thing.

Three things I learnt from this weekend- One, I need to get mad more often. Two, alcohol and "kufungua roho" don't go well together and finally, girls are trouble...I promised you more on that but quite frankly I might get into trouble for opening my trap,it's gotten me into trouble before so let's just leave it at that

Kids do the darndest things

When I wake up in the morning, I want to be challenged into positivity that will last me throughout the day. I want to be encouraged that despite the chilly mornings and the drab weather, the day will get better. All this hope and enthusiasm is usually thrown out the window during the matatu ride to town every morning when the matatus insist on playing Classic 105. The incessant sex talk( as one Brian Koyoo puts it) is much more than I can handle. It usually leaves me drained of energy and by the time I enter the office I am a mindless zombie ready to do anyone's bidding. Today it particularly ticked me off. You remember how I said I detest Classic,well I stand CORRECTED. I loathe Classic in the morning, I hate it with a passion. I swear if I could develop an emoticon for a person strangling another,I would,then I would post it on their facebook page. It a shame that one of the most well respected Kenyan role models is part of this show. Anyway, my daily dose of ranting and raving ends there. At one point I thought to myself how I really need to get earphones for those long matatu rides to town.
The only thing that got me through it was the thought of the great day I had yesterday. Aaaaaah to be a kid again. I spent my whole day with 7 to 8 year old kids yesterday that left me with a lot to think about by the time I got home. Let me set the record straight first. Primary school teachers I salute you. You are the true unsung heroes of this country and we never give you enough credit. Dealing with kids that have impish energy is no mean feat. Those kids were truly a handful, forget the fact that we were trying to teach them the value of working as team.
I got the chance to play with some of them and interesting enough I saw some values we carry into adulthood portrayed in these kids, I guess the child is truly father to the man.
The objective of the game was to get a glass of water placed on an octagon shaped board with 8 ropes attached to a bucket about 20 meters away and empty it. Sounds easy right? Wrong! If one kid doesn't hold their string high enough the cup comes tumbling down.
Its during this exercise that I noticed certain characteristics that are usually found in organizations:

• The self appointed 'Team Leader'- This is the guy who always volunteers to head a certain task. There is this one kid who wanted to do everything, from filling the cup to emptying it in the bucket. This kid was there.
• The 'Weakest link'- The guy who everyone always complains isn't doing a good enough job. The kid who couldn't hold his end of the rope found himself as the object of constant shouts from the others
• The 'Know it all'-The guy who thinks he knows everything about everything and is only too happy to do some other person's job for them. I saw a kid who not only held his rope up but felt the need to hold another kid's rope up for them because he thought they weren't doing a good enough job
• The good employee-This is the one who always does their work as per expected nothing more nothing less. A little girl was content with holding her end of the rope,walk all the way to the bucket and go back for more

At the end of the day it was all about having fun with the kids and I decided to put away my harsh criticism, I mean, they are only kids. I got in touch with my inner 7 year old and just let loose. Who knew it was this much fun. The highlight of my day however was when one of the kids was counting tattoos on a colleague of ours and went something like " 1..2..3..4..5. You have five tattoos, my mom only has 2. We looked at each other in shock yet with a knowing in our heads that said, "hmmmm this must be the much criticized Generation Y parenting that everyone seems to be afraid of if the whole Mutunga ear stud debate is anything to go by"

Lunch Tym...Kenyan style

"Sasa ni lunchi time..." This was the song playing at around 12.55 on Classic 105,anyone born in the 80s knows it(sorry playstation generation,u have nothing on us 80s babies). Personally I detest Classic but I have no choice but to listen to it since my colleague plays her radio on speakerfone in the office. Anywho,back to my story, due to the rising 'bei ya mafuta',most kenyans cannot afford lunch(like there's any relation). it's for this reason i found myself looking for the cheapest kibanda in town,uptown for that matter, to have lunch(the irony,right?). My escapades took me to an establishment in Caxton Hse on Standard Street. Never mind that to get to it you have to cris cross the confusing hallways and alleys in the building, I was determined to have my meal. I finally got to my destination and sat to order my meal. A nice plate of chapo ndengu would do,check my pockets to see if i have the required 70 bob to pay for it lest am told to 'chonga viazi'. My food arrives and am excited to dig in. Then what happened after this made me take a long hard look at kenyans behaviour at eateries. What ticked me off first was the waitress standing next to the table as if rushing me to be done with my meal. I have heard that most restaurants(read 5 star establishments) usually give you subtle hints to be done with your meal and be on your way so that they can honour the patrons with reservations. This was just ridiculous. I was tempted to shout at her "wacha kusimama hapa unaninyonya damu". For those who dont understand this(again playstation age,this is sadly in reference to you) when we were kids you would tell someone who was standing to sit coz they were "sucking" your blood.
A few minutes later, two gentlemen walk in and sit. They ask the waiter what's on the menu.They decide on the meal and then they go further to ask him "hii tutashiba kweli". Am sure that by the time you entered the restaurant you had made up your mind that you would be satisfied thats why you chose to come to the restaurant. Anywho, something else that baffled me but I have seen in many kenyans, one gentleman decides to point into my food and tells the waiter "niletee kama hii". The audacity of this gentleman,what do you think you are doing. This is my food,who gave you the right.
By the time i leave the restaurant(read kibanda) I wander why I never went to Kosewe's to have myself a big plate of fish and ugali,seems to be the same price anyway. I finally ask the waiter why the chapo was cold despite them having a microwave and promptly responds "boss unajua bei ya mafuta imepanda..." I leave it at that as I find my way out of that maze of a building known as Caxton Hse.



'Based on a true story. Some scenes may have been edited to fit the producers storyline. No animals were harmed in the making of this production,even the fish in the writers imagination'